In Retrospect
Disillusioned I sat
Taking into cognizance
My actions of late
Without cursing my fate
Livid with anger
I loathed myself
Decidedly, I stood up
Moist eyes burning
Filled with grit
Replete with determination
I embark on an odyssey
To exhibit my inner strength and agitation
Fail, I might
Atleast I sought to fight
Myriad weaknesses yore
I never had them before
I must rise above them
In adversity, the strengths stem
I’ve lain low too long
It’s time to prove I’m as strong
To give in now would be a cardinal sin
Though it’s still not my last chance to win
I will have many more
You never know what’s in store
It’s not the time to fake
My pride is at stake
The fists are clenched
With resolution, fully drenched
It’s a hunch, I’ll make it through
Or self-confidence might bid me adieu
I have no choices left
I have to be sharp and very deft
Hard work
When complacencies lurk
Focus and perspiration
Now, no more frustration
Dispelling all fears
Leaving behind peers
Still in tears
My mind endears
Only If I Knew ...
Shyly, I looked up
Shot a furtive glance at you
To have another longing look
At your ethereal face
My gaze met yours
My heart skipped a beat
You smiled coquettishly
Inebriated, I could feel the heat
You mesmerize me
An epitome of beauty
I, the beholder
My eyes see no flaw
Even when you get naughty
Anointed in self imposed love
Brooding, engrossed
Rendered believable are
Reveries with all limits crossed
I repudiate my dignity
Feign my best mood
To win a propitious place
In your egregious heart for good
Subsumed in all my thoughts
Aphrodisiac or appetent
My world, confined to you
My feelings, are for you meant
My clandestine endeavor
The fervor I exuded
All failed to saunter
Through to the destination intended
I feel like a despondent dilettante
Desirous of acceding to my will
To shun my diffidence
To blurt out verbatim my predicament
And sustain my sanity still
But I confess not love
No self respect I feel
My feelings I preserve
In vows of fidelity, I want to deal
Love is when the infallibles fall
The cognizance of the inarticulate
I'd rather let silence say it all
Than ebb the emotion with platitudes I hate
Why do I feel for you?
And let my despair grow
Why do I let you
Steal the show?
Do I love you?
I know not
Or it's just that
Myself I besot?
Perhaps ...
I look around
See vanity profound
The seemingly vainest of them
Are closest to ground
Their thoughts are crass
Never will they let pass
Any opportunity to
Be harassed and to harass
They search for vistas and venue
Old and new
The never ending endeavour
For habits are hard to bid adieu
A worthless life
Lived on a double-edged knife
Meaningless if it ends
Better deprived, than rife
Resign, if you must
To desire and lust
Rather try and feel the ecstasy of what lies
Within the upper crust
Deeds superficial
Expressions facial
Deceive, they might
But not actions filial
Decide not worth
On whims and mirth
What we portray
Is upbringing and birth
Must you always doubt
In rain and drought
The integrity of the righteous
Always brought about
On the spur of the moment
Your faith did but relent
Such oft repeated imprudence leaves
An everlasting dent
Identify the situation
On notion and intuition
Since closing your eyes
Offers no solution
A Desire Too Many ...
The desire to be
Free of desire
The desire to
Breathe fire
The desire to be
On top of the town
The desire to turn
It upside down
The desire to be
Like everyone else
The desire to be
The only one
The desire to be
Conniving and mean
To be selfish
For a win
The desire to be
A fatherly figure
To be able to
Help each other
The desire to be
The perfect son
The good Samaritan
All said and done
The desire to run
And not miss the fun
The desire to stop
And catch your breath
The desire to look
Deep into her eyes
The desire to fathom
Why she cries
And to catch
All her lies
The desire to
Speak all day
The desire to
While away
The desire of
Unbearable pain
When matter not
Loss or gain
The desire to hug
To jump with joy
The desire to
Fly so high
The desire to work
Extremely hard
To leave midway
And still stand guard
The desire to achieve
Something worthwhile
On every face
Bring a smile
The desire to fight
Without a reason
To indulge in treachery
And treason
The desire to trust
With all your heart
And with your promises
Never part
The desire to
Watch mother Nature
To live in harmony
Grow in stature
The desire to be
In the country
To observe and admire
Every leaf of the tree
To swell with joy
In the rain
And let go of malice
In the drain
The desire to
Be the best
To be better
Than the rest
The desire to
Shout out loud
The desire to scream
To clear the clogging cloud
The desire to
Lose someone
And wish vehemently
For it to be undone
The desire to
Change the system
And be a part of it
As a custom
The desire to
Write a book
The desire to present
Your best look
The desire to
Bounce back
To get yourself counted
In the pack
The desire to
Effect a revolt
And to stop
Without a jolt
The desire to love
And be loved
The desire to die
A peaceful death
The desire to be desirous
To do it, without fuss
For desires can be dangerous
Still they lie, with all of us
Endorse Your Actions
Every day
A struggle
Each one of us
Fighting
The demons of our will
An incoherent battle
Between the heart
And the mind
Throughout our life
Looking to make hay
To make things go our way
By hook or by crook
Good, must life look
The toughest part
Is to know
The right path
And still persist
With the wrong
Unsure
Of our own actions
Detesting every moment
Cherishing it at the same time
A constant, incessant duel
Between us and our conscience
The end seems not near
The consequences
We must bear
A Conversation So Futile
I have written this in reference to the DPS RK Puram MMS incident that took place sometime back. I have tried to relive the conversation that I thought might have taken place between the girl and her father. I've tried not to be judgemental, biased or obscene. The end is somewhat vague considering the fact that such conversations or arguments never really have a proper end. They just taper off. To all the purists, please don't take it seriously, this was just done on a lighter note. I, myself being an ex-student of the same school, felt that I had to say something in this regard. Period.
"Get a hold of yourself", he bellowed
"None of your concern", not to be outdone, she followed
"What's all this supposed to be?"
"It's my life and let it be"
"Ha! Life", sarcastically he said, "What have you seen?"
"Well, to be honest, you are 'has been' "
"Don't you act smart"
"I love him with all my heart"
"LOVE! you call it that"
"True", was the reply pat
"You've become a laughing stock"
"Our bond is solid as rock"
"You're under media's stare"
"As if I care"
"You can't go anyplace"
Amused, "Are you scared to show your face?"
"Will you stop being a shameless shrew"
"It's no crime to screw"
"It's a matter intimate"
"I'll do it again any given date"
"You're a bitch"
"That ain't a hitch"
"Why don't you understand, I care for you"
"Yeah, sure you do"
"I'm losing my patience"
"I still keep my stance"
"Such arrogance you exude"
"Stop your condescending attitude"
"I'll kill that guy"
"Together, our souls fly"
"You're impossible"
"His mark is indelible"
"Shut up, will you"
"Why don't you?"
"You've got to learn, this is not right"
"It's my choice and I'll fight"
"It's not a matter of choice but inner voice"
"Inner voice!! c'mon dad, gimme a break"
"Stop acting like a freak"
"Will you stop that crap?"
"You warrant a slap"
"Dare you touch me"
"I'll teach a lesson to thee"
"You must be insane"
"You trodded the forbidden lane"
"I will do it again"
“You are fighting in vain”
“Reign supreme will our love sublime”
“I will talk to you some other time”
Too Late
The cacophony of thoughts
As my mind trots
The past is deep
The shadows creep
The darkness looms
And melancholy blooms
I feel the guilt
On it I built
A vulnerable life
Torn and strife
To myself I plead
No more can I bleed
It hurts so bad
It was just a fad
The infallible insouciant
Now repentant
Acceded to desire
Clairvoyance hidden by ire
Never again a gaudy show
Never again will I stoop so low
The imbecile feigned
The penitent is truly pained
